What I do when I write my dating profile is I just start writing and it all comes together. It’s what’s known in some circles as “not overthinking it”.

I have not overthought it now maybe 7-8 separate times over the past decade.  Some internet daters write one profile and leave it up, like, FOREVER.  It remains virtually unchanged…24/7…year after year…to the letter…like a time capsule of longing and desire…a reminder…still single…same as it ever was…we are all ultimately alone…chin up…the secret is to just keep going…rah, rah!

Me, I change it up. It isn’t like I planned it this way. It would certainly be easier to paint one  good masterpiece and then forget about it. But I have a pesky habit of deleting my profiles in a quick fit ten days after they are launched. This is usually when the embarrassment of full Adam and Eve exposure becomes unbearable.

I have liked every one of my profiles and thought that each gives a real clue to understanding “me”. Never mind that I sound kind of vaguely perky and je ne sais quoi on paper when IRL I’m trying to resist eating poppers and the urge to not give a damn (maybe there’s room for both? Cue the poppers…)

Ok, so, whoops I did it again….only this time I seem to have dipped my profile in honey and fancy cigars because the bees, they are a buzzin’. I have hit some kind of man-nerve and they are showing up in handsome, quirky droves. That’s the point, right? Only it’s never happened to me quite like this before.

I’m suddenly popular. If you think this means that there are a hundred Prince Charming’s at my door, think again. The real time translation to being internet dating popular is that you get a lot of “likes”. As nice as it is to see those little yellow stars pop up, it doesn’t pay the mortgage if you get my drift.

But, I can smile to myself and whisper my favorite auto-congratulatory phrase: NAILED IT!! I’m never deleting this profile. I’m taking it to the grave. In ten years I am going to be that woman who shows up and her date can’t help but think to himself that she looks ten years older than her profile. I am not letting go of this entry into super-dating status. Not EVER…

Follow me as I dip all ten toes in. I will be your super-dating hero and you are welcome to point and laugh, because I am sure to be doing the same.

—Datergurl, in bed with mah dogs, trying to LMAO.