foodsSo Datergurl had a pretty quiet week with respect to actual dates. Do not fret, the balls are still up in the air and quips and numbers are being exchanged with perfect strangers. But the IRL stuff, let’s just say I’m becoming a little pickier.

Funny aside is that when you go all in with internet dating, you can’t remember anyone. So when a name goes in my phone it’s got to be the name as the first name and their last name is either OKC, Tinder or Bumble. You may steal this. It saves a lot of butthurt down the road.

But back to not dating this week. I had a date scheduled for Sunday with a doctor. Nice enough sounding and we were something like a 98.99 percent match on OK Cupid. I DO make sure to brief these fellows on my current status and it’s somewhere between just-looking man-curious and what-the-hell-you-never-know. But I’m pretty clear that I’m not walking down any aisle but the liquor section at Trader Joe’s anytime soon.

So Prince Charming decided that he was going to pass, because he’s looking for a committed, monogamous relationship and as he put it he’s “more optimistic than I am.”

Well, well well….what bit of foolishness did he just walk into?

Let’s paint the picture of this optimistic man, searching for his one and only. It probably means that he doesn’t date much, but even if he does, every date is more like an interview or an audition. Before hand he might get his hopes up. Maybe this is THE ONE…the one who will melt away his loneliness and longing…the perfect union. Fast forward to the end of the date and he’s going home alone because let’s face it…soul mates are hard to come by, especially when you are looking to chain them down.

Now let’s do me, the pessimist. I have a dozen or so nice, interesting men circling. Some of them text, some call…..all of them are cool people. To be sure, probably none of these men are lifers, romantically speaking. But some could become old friends fast. When I go on my dates, I’m pretty sure I am NOT going to meet THE ONE, but I’m equally certain that we’ll have a lot to talk about. We might hug at the end, or kiss quickly, but I am always happy to have met a new friend (almost always…see the guy who talked too much and didn’t smell right).

I haven’t closed the doors to finding one love. And to be certain, I love many people differently, and it’s love. Bonafide and true. I don’t think it makes me a pessimist to meet a lot of people and take my time. I think it makes me, for once in my life, one smart cookie.

I have complete confidence that if I am supposed to be with one man, he will show up and chase all the others away with his sweet charm, open heart, lusty laugh and skills around the house. But until then, if it takes many men to make up one good man then so be it. Because I deserve a good man….and frankly I don’t care how it manifests itself.

If I had to wait for THE ONE, look for THE ONE, dream about THE ONE I can pretty much guarantee you I’d be feeling all kinds of down. As is, I’ve taken a seat at life’s great banquet (stole that from Ground Zero who is also seated at the banquet!) I’m tasting a little of this and a little of that and figuring out which bits look the best on me. I’m meeting really interesting people. Eff optimism…I’m more about the here and now.

I’ll meet your optimism with a heavy dose of reality any day.

Datergurl, sitting in the sun, enjoying the view.