Today  I exchanged a series of texts, then a phone call, then a few more texts, and finally a parade of insults with a person I’ve never met. Welcome to the occasionally icky side of online dating.

This dude was nice looking and educated, in his thirties and REALLY interested in me. That’s code for WATCH OUT.

The first alarming moment came when he asked for a full body pic. The first pic I had my co-worker take included my hand flipping him off. But then I decided to cut him some slack. I get it. Sometimes the ladies misrepresent. I chastised him only slightly then sent a nicer pic with the message: Strike one. Playful, yet direct.

Next he wants to talk to me. Not text talk but the kind that uses vocal cords and mouths. As a funny aside I have so many balls in the air that I texted him back “ok, I can talk for five minutes now” only I sent it to another guy so then I had to call the other guy for five minutes and THEN resend the text to this dude.

He seemed really nervous at first but then he started to chill. I want to tell you that I have an extraordinary ability to put people at ease but that would be bragging and  thus pathetic. But it’s true. Anyhoo, we talked very comfortably and agreed to meet up.

About an hour later I get a text from him and it reads – btw how tall are you?  – So you know what I’m thinking, right? I’m thinking, WTF? I was working so I dashed off, ” 5’2″ but what does all this matter?” Then I started to panic.

WHY was he asking all these questions about my physical stats when everybody knows that the first thing you should do if you have special requirements is list those special requirements in your profile.  You shouldn’t even be asking about height at this point if you weren’t ballsy enough to list it in your preferences . People who only want to get with other people in squirrel costumes gotta put that in their profiles if ya know what I’m sayin’.

So the only other explanation I could think of was: Ted Bundy.

He shot back “I’m sorry I asked, have a good night.”

So maybe he’s just a little socially inept…hmmmm…no…I sense a little anger and an attempt to belittle….so I tried to explain that it’s just that it sort of makes me feel like I am being leered at or rated in some way that I’m not comfortable with.

Anyone want to take a guess at what I got back? Um…. that I must have issues.. that I’m a piece of work (this after singing my virtues all morning, most of them physical, natch)…no one has ever objected to these kinds of questions and requests before…(No one has ever asked me for my height and a full body pic before – a boob shot maybe but that’s like, NORMAL). When he went low, I went high (thanks, Michelle). I backed way down and said, “look, I just want you to want to know what I’m thinking and what I had for breakfast, that’s all”….That should soften up the average regular human, right? Wrong!!!

So I kindly said, “you know, I think we may just be in different spaces, so maybe we should just wish each other well…there are a lot of other nice women out there…”

He replied, “I don’t want to have sex with other nice women I want to have sex with you.”

If you’re a woman reading this,  that comment leaves you somewhere between “aw, shucks”  and needing to be rinsed off with a powerhose. Amirite? I was leaning more towards needing a shower, some dental floss, ten cleansing breaths and the nearest bidet.

I shook it off,  though I did momentarily consider assuming a false identity for my own protection (he kind of gave me the creeps). I looked at his picture once more. The resemblance to Ted Bundy was unnerving and I don’t mean his features per se I mean the look on his face….yikies…I slammed the phone down gently and said a few Hail Mary’s and…good as new. But…..ew.

Datergurl, happy that there are other nice men in the world who “get ” me and who would never behave like that, not  ever ever ever.ew