Remember most of this dating started with Ground Zero and my need to not get too enmeshed with someone intent on not being exclusive. Remember, I didn’t want to swoon too deep, and I knew I might if I didn’t do something fast.
Quick quick, put up a profile and off I went to meet my own group of men that might collectively protect my heart – a sum greater than it’s parts. Or as good as it’s parts, but a sum nonetheless.
I felt the energy behind GZ’s first few texts to me, when he was on the advance. Once he secured a landing though, his interest palpably fell. He got busy. Women were everywhere, I think, and he just got busy.
I could be genuinely happy for him – fellow comrade – in his love-conquesting, but beyond that the only other emotion I could muster was a twinge of sadness. A reasonable amount of time had gone by since we began our dance – long enough to have figured a few things out. We’d communicated honestly and openly and I had told him of my need for small little packets of certainty yet still, there was no room for us to develop any real rhythm or continuity, and no sign of it on the horizon.
He has been notoriously awful at putting me to bed. It’s so cinchy, but apparently not. At the end of a date a statement that goes, “lets make sure and do this again soon” is all that is needed. Two days later , a quick probe into when might be a good time to get together again is a nice idea….in a week? Sounds good. This is the way one manages a 3x a month kind of thing. I pretty much know that if I don’t see someone at least 2-3x a month, I’m not going to be really interested.
And that’s what happened. I found myself both losing interest, and experiencing random, sad twinges. I should explain that I wasn’t beginning to lose interest in a neutral way, I was starting to feel kind of a mild aversion to him. He started to seem kind of boorish and not nice.
And that’s when I hit the eject button.
When there is an imbalance or mismatch and a person I really like starts to seem less than, it means that it’s time to back off and redefine things. Because one thing I don’t want to be is critical or judgy. I want us both to salvage our dignity and bad-assiness in each other’s eyes, ya know?
So I quit him. I just said nope, the vibe’s all wrong. Given our connection, I needed an emotional thread to gently keep us tethered and that just wasn’t in the cards. If anything, when we were apart I felt less close to him than when we first met. Not tucking me in can only spell one thing down the road….distance. And distance is the opposite of why I came here in the first place.
Together, we had some solid magic, but any next step would have needed space and time that didn’t seem to be on the menu. I got lots of ideas why, but none of it matters because once I drank that mouthful of truth, I had to quit. We know when the littlest thing would make the biggest difference and we know when that little thing just isn’t going to happen. We know it even when it doesn’t make sense and even when we don’t want to know the thing we know. Dang.
That’s the way it goes sometimes, but other times it’s different in a way that is a total surprise.
This nice fellow wrote to me in a very low-key way and we went on a hike, then to dinner, then watched a movie at his place, then grabbed a slice….easy peasy, no drama. This guy just texts me with x-ray precision. He sends me a line moments before I think to wonder what is up with him. It is soothing beyond words, to just know that he is there. To know we are going to make plans. To know we have plans. It’s so simple and straight-forward. More people really should try it.
Why they don’t is one of the bigger dating mysteries. Imagine just being straight up, clear and forth-coming. Imagine showing another person you care and are interested so that you don’t have to speak to convince them. Imagine believing someone when they say – “Hey, I just like something on the books, it’s a quirk of mine.” Imagine how easy it would have been for GZ to have kept me in the loop.
Lucky for me, there are people who do me right intuitively, without my having to ask. I call these people, people who are interested in me. The ones who don’t really call or text, the ones who keep me at arms length, and keep me guessing…those are people who aren’t really interested (in me). It’s pretty darn obvious; If it was a snake it would have bit me. But I got out before it coulda.