I want something tender to happen to me right now. I want a sweet moment, a kiss in a soft place. I want it enough to cry, enough to snack on chips at night, enough to read stories and to make wishes.
The times when I want it, I want it a LOT. I want it so much that I don’t know how on earth I am going to make it until morning…but I do, I always make it until morning…
And then I remember the things I can do because I am single and footloose and fancy free.
I can wake up when I want to on the weekends and no one can ask me what we are doing or get in my headspace. I can bring home a dog I shouldn’t, accidentally have my phone shut off, drag mud through the living room – and there is no one to care. No one is putting anything on me…ever really.
The flip side though is…no stolen kisses, no chance to bring breakfast in bed to someone… not ever…no extra pair of hands when shit gets real..or weird..or real…no sharing that thing you gotta tell someone before you burst.
So I go around sometimes ready to burst.
A lot of the time I am a-OK but sometimes I just am ready to burst….
That’s when I text someone I shouldn’t or start babbling in truth. I have also ended it with people when I am in this mood because if we are involved and yet I still have no one to walk side by side with at certain times…when I might as well be alone… then by golly I will be.
Some of my friends read stuff like this and feel “bad” for me. Well, don’t. I’m sure you got your own stuff…we all do…this is just mine..
I am together enough to know that this is only one landscape..I am slinking back down into alone alone because I have a lot of alone I need and want to explore. But it won’t always be this way. There is always more…that surprise around the corner…maybe even my own personal prince….it could happen!
If anyone knows of an introverted dog lover with a big brain and a good heart, send him over……but don’t feel sorry for me, please. Find me a date, tell me a joke..or as Maggie did (thanks love) invite me and my dog to dinner. But I don’t deserve sympathy.
We all deserve the same empathy – the empathy we give to our fellow friends who are just doing their thing. Only this time, I am writing about it. (But I’m ok, really….)