A few weeks ago when I emerged from yet another near-miss dating entanglement, I reactivated my OKCupid account. Yeah again, I know, but how does a person meet anyone if not by slugging through profiles?
I sort of knew things had gotten bad on-line, but the “it only takes one person” thing has some truth to it, so what the heck anyway and onward, ho.
Well here’s what the heck and not so fast with the onward, ho: I started to feel a little bit mentally unstable.
I asked my google search engine, “Can online dating make you crazy?”
Google is used to my antics. Sometimes I ask Google things like, “Should I wear the green or the blue shirt?” or “What’s my favorite song?” Google has something to say about nearly everything, always, and some of it is even relevant and helpful.
I grew up relying on a Magic 8 Ball and my horoscope (Libra) to answer life’s most perplexing questions, so a Google search engine is like having a personal loaded Wall-Mart of free advice at my fingertips. There’s tons of people to tell you about how things are and what you can do about them. Topics include just about anything you can imagine, and even some things you can’t. There’s opinions and advice about everything. Woot!
Google did not disappoint. The search engine results to the question of whether or not internet dating could be making me crazy blew me away. It turns out that on-line dating can not only make you crazy as a loon, it can also destroy your self-confidence, ruin your chances of recognizing a good thing even when you find it, and get this – it is actually no more successful than IRL dating. Repeat, on-line dating is no more likely to land you a mate than taking a walk around the block.
Armed with testimonials, blog entries and a couple of Psychology Today articles, I deactivated my profile. I also read The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, and made a commitment to listen to happy music every morning, play my banjo and love myself. Within three days (not kidding) I no longer felt crazy, sad or pathetic. My self-esteem was just fine (my dogs think I’m badass) and work, family, friends seemed pretty okay also.
Since deactivating, I’ve even been on a couple of dates, and someone I went out with last year is back in the picture. Huh. Weird.
I have spent the hours I used to spend sifting through profiles making music, cooking, reading, hiking….and better yet I am not being woken up at midnight by Eyes4U who wants to know the brand of my favorite sex toy (what???WHAT???). I am not being questioned by Eyes4U about whether or not I am “sex-positive” because I flippantly answered “um, the mouth, now go to sleep.” I am not feeling like a loser for even answering that text from Eyes4U (he seemed nice) and I am not having to spell it out to Eyes4U that I typically like to meet before I have sex with someone. MMMKay????
I”m not saying I’ll never on-line date again. Shit happens.
But on-line dating CAN make you crazy. Especially when you let buttheads like Eyes4U call you annoying, and it makes you CRY.
Instead, put your hands in the air, go for a walk, smile a lot and do fun things. Eyes4U can suck it!