I am happy to report that after some phone calls and one date, Marc liked me back. We’ve fallen into talking, texting, sharing articles and talking about things we want to do together – yes, already. That’s kind of the way it is when you really hit it off with someone. It’s that sort of connection. Which makes the fact that I had another date scheduled for later this week a bit awkward.
The fellow I had penciled in for Thursday was someone I really wanted to meet. He’s an attorney and super cute with long Willie Nelson hair. Smart. The kind of man who is hard to find on the internet. And if you find a guy like this usually if you read to the bottom of his profile you’ll find he has an “awesome” wife or girlfriend already and is just doing the open relationship dance. And that’s not for me anymore. Boo.
This guy seemed to want to meet a person, though he did say he was “open to polyamory”.
I didn’t want to get together till after my youngest left for college, but I sent him a note and he responded and we agreed I’d be in touch when Owen left. Meantime, OKCupid was starting to frazzle and annoy me and I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time so I gave him my number and told him I was going to disable my account. He texted to confirm I was in his book and I mentioned some upcoming concerts and various things and he said he’d look them over and get back to me.
He didn’t get back to me.
So, I told him that though he had started off strong, he seemed to be fading and I was going to cut bait. I said it nicely, but I said it.
He responded that he hadn’t meant to ghost me but that he didn’t check his texts here (what, where?) often and also that with disabled accounts and people not using their real names, etc. he lost track of everything. He said he couldn’t really remember my profile other than he was interested, but that he still wanted to go out if I did.
I really did want to meet him so I blew through that red light and pressed on.
I somehow cornered him into a phone call and it was a little meh. He had a nice deep voice and he was friendly enough but there wasn’t a spark and he didn’t laugh much. We made plans for the next Thursday and meantime, in walked Marc.
When Mike, the attorney, appeared to ghost me I put my profile back up in a fit of dating ennui. And that was just enough of a window for Marc to find me. He wrote to me first, which I always think portends well since guys like to think everything is their idea. I’m being flip, but it actually is the better scenario. Sorry ladies. But, truth.
By contrast, Marc was very interested in sharing every bit of music, adventure, food – you name it. If I mentioned it, he either already knew about it and liked it, or got busy and looked it up. None of this “I’ll get back to you” crap.
So, as my first date with Mike approached, with a man like Marc circling, I suddenly didn’t want to go. Now you don’t need to scream in my face that it’s too soon to focus on one person and that I should just go on the damn date with Mike already. It’s too late anyway but hold your horses on that one.
I had texted Mike a few times, and mostly, he didn’t respond. On the phone, he voluntarily encouraged me to text him anytime, but said he sometimes just didn’t answer and that “I shouldn’t read too much into it.” Oh, no, no, sure, I wouldn’t do that. WTF?
I mean seriously, WTF?
Are you still screaming in my face that I should have kept the date? Have we not learned anything?
No matter how super-cute, high-powered and intelligent a man, this is a scenario to run from. Why? Well I suspect we would have gotten along just fine. Fine enough for me to swoon a bit. And I suspect this is a man who’d have said he’d like to see me again. And I pretty much know that our next date wouldn’t be for several (agonizing) weeks and in between there would be no touching noses, no holding hands – no nuthin’. I’d be trying not to read too much into anything and just the effort of doing that would really piss me off.
Remember the red light I blew through?
Any guy who can’t remember your profile (mine has plenty to latch onto) deserves diddly. It is a sign of things to come. Run.
I told Marc the truth. I told him I had a date with someone else and I didn’t really want to go but that if he were seeing other people, for the sake of balance, I’d go. Turns out, Marc is more where I am, where he’d rather explore one person at a time. I figured, but it was good to have that on the table.
So I cancelled with Mike. I told him I had met someone else I wanted to get to know and that I had no more bandwidth for poly anything. I also told him that if someone could get his attention and get him to sit down, he was a catch. That was my way of being honest and letting him know that his lack of enthusiasm was a thing.
I’m trusting my gut, and what I’ve learned about men who don’t answer texts. Feels good.
Mike never got back to me about the concert, so I asked Marc. He didn’t have to get back to me, he just said yes. The concert is tonight, Lucky (with a bit of smarts thrown in) me.