So, what do you do after you decide to focus your dating energy on one person you just met, and you just dropped your youngest at college, and you’re tracking a hurricane heading towards your daughter on Maui?
Hit the wall, of course.
The person I decided to focus my energy on is on the move….so I gotta keep up, even though I’m running on fumes.
Marc is extremely active. We talked about a hike and tonight we are hearing some music. I called to check in and he was already at the gym. This guy likes to do what I like to do only he seems to do a lot more of it.
I was going to tell him that I have a hard time getting up unless it’s sunny out. Well, Marc gets up in the dark every day. And he gets up early. So much for that.
Have you ever crashed so hard that you can’t move? Last night I didn’t get home from work until eight – there were a million back to school forms to sign and then there was a house call in Concord. By the time I flopped in bed, I realized my laptop was out of charge and I literally was unable to stand up and plug it in. I was thirsty and couldn’t deal with getting water and that’s good because I felt equally unable to get up to pee.
I hit the wall, waved the white flag, then fell asleep and now I’m up…well kind of up….and it’s showtime.
I want to spend more time with Marc, especially to get past the part where I notice that he is blind. His being blind doesn’t slow him down, or even change any plan I might come up with. He’s an avid biker and I’m not so if anything, I’m the one who might produce a little drag. He is out in the world constantly.
But being with him is different for me. The things you expect to be different are easy. And there are bonuses like his amazing sense of direction. He always knows where we are, so I barely have to worry if I can’t read a street sign. But some things take getting used to.
For example, I didn’t know that I was an exhibitionist until I met Marc. I want to show him everything, visually. I’m a selfie whore. I am coming to terms with that.
It is well known that seeing people fall in love, in part, by gazing into each other’s eyes. I’m gonna have to ask Marc to do that. His eyes are nice and for the sake of oxytocin and thousands of years of evolution, there needs to be a little gazing, at least on my part. I haven’t tended to stare at him, though I suppose I could. We tend to look more at people when they are looking back. Otherwise we tend to avert our eyes somewhat, to match their level of eye contact. So it is an adjustment, and I want to look at him a little more.
He looks nice.
He needs to meet Garth, so before we go hiking we are going to take some dogs to Point Isabel. The real deal-breaker, of course, is my dogs. Blind is easy, but dogs are hard as fug.
In fact, my dogs are a big reason why dating has seemed so difficult. Marc mentioned wanting to go spend time with some friends in Aptos and I said that sounds great, but can I bring Garth? Because Garth is a thing.
So now I’ve connected with a great person and it’s time to see if we can do the dance and settle in and share some space and time. And it’s happening when I have not an ounce of energy and am tired to the bone. Of course it is!
But I’m going to rally, because nothing sounds nicer than getting to familiar. I’m ready to settle into my new life, wherever it leads. Dangling in transition has worn me out.
And that’s the real thing. It’s not even that my body that is tired. It’s more my heart and soul that have pooped out. And they are a mighty force to be reckoned with.
So, it’s hit the showers, get going and see what today brings.
That’s all anyone can ask of themselves.