I think I posted that I recently got on OkC for 48 hours, connected with two really decent men, then called the whole thing off.

What is wrong with me?

I think I’ve just become very very gun-shy. But I also can’t seem to stay away from dating sites completely, not for more than a month or two – just incase.

I’m quite content on my own but there is a little part of me that thinks it would be nice to have someone to clink glasses with from time to time.

Like somewhere in the universe there must be someone that I might adore who would adore me back. It would be best if he travelled or stayed busy, because I’m only up for just so much. Very little actually. I’m only up for a little companionship. I still mostly want to be alone. No sleepovers, just dinner, ok?

Anyhoo, I made a sparse profile on Plenty of Fish which is just draggin’ the bottom of the barrel. It’s a total dive. I can’t show my face on OkC because I think I wasted a few nice gentlemen’s time (I did apologize), and also there is no way to browse incognito. I have a mega profile that attracts a lot of attention and I just can’t do that anymore.

I didn’t even have a photo up on POF. And I said in the About Me section that I am just looking so DO NOT WRITE TO ME BECAUSE I WON’T WRITE YOU BACK AND THAT MAKES ME SAD.

But I found two people worth contacting and so then I added my picture because turns out you need a photo to message most people.

That was Friday night.

I started getting messages. Lot’s of Hi’s. Some men claimed to have been bowled over by my amazing profile (WHICH MEANS THEY DIDN’T READ IT) and they wanted to know more. More Hellos. One guy said, look at me, look at ME which was kinda cute. And a few decided to lecture me for sending mixed messages. Like how dare I be on a dating site and yet maintain that I don’t want to be messaged.

I said I would contact anyone that I’m interested in, so no worries.

Turns out, some guys really hate that they aren’t allowed to take what’s theirs. And they made sure to let me know.

But of the two that I wrote to, one hasn’t answered me and the other wrote back to say thank you for the nice note but he didn’t think we’d “work out”.

At first I was like -pshash! How the hell did he decide that? He said he liked to hike and read and I talked about a few places I like to hike. There was literally nothing objectionable in what I wrote.

But I had to take his word for it.

I made sure that my profile is completely hidden tonight.

Seems 48 hours every other week or three is about my tolerance for being viewed.

I get a little whimsical and think, well, maybe. Then I get a fat dose of reality either from their end – the mens – or from my end – the reluctant dater(gurl).

I’m not a Datergurl anymore. I’m a daterturtle freak who sticks her head out and then retreats.

Before going into hiding, I messaged a guy who wrote in his description: Riverboat gambler seeks adventurous girl with Derringer pistol hidden in her stocking top. He lives in Sonoma, looks like he has a bit too much money and also has an uncanny resemblance to my best friend’s husband, whom I adore. I say too much money because some of his clothes were too nice (much joy) and expensive for me to be able to keep up with. So the fantasy that would have to go along with this scenario would be that he would hand me his credit card and tell me to buy myself a little something to wear before heading out to the opera.

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Please laugh.

And try not to judge as I redo my vision board over and over and over again.