I’m sitting at my desk and writing and it’s 7:30 AM.
Let’s dissect that.
I’m up well before work. I start at 10 now because…well, because I’m old and I’ve earned the right to start a little later. It’s really helped me stay relatively energetic and sane.
Several years ago I would have thought that I would be up doing all sorts of things before ten. That was before I got really tired.
When I first changed my schedule, I mostly slept longer. I was tired!
Then I started to write in bed. You guys get so many posts because I spend a lot of time in bed! That’s the sorry, not sorry, truth.
I’ve been thinking that my “ideal life” would include getting UP and writing, then working (hello cute families) with some music thrown in, hike with Garth and other fun lunchtime activities, work some more, then home for more music or a class.
Musing about my ideal life like this has encouraged me to do some good things, but they haven’t been easy to do. I have to drag myself to violin and ballet after work. I’m always glad I do, but it’s never easy.
Getting out of bed before I have to has been even harder.
I’m not sure if it matters, in any universe kind of a way, whether I write at my desk or in bed. But the vibe in bed is a little slothy. It makes me less likely to do other things. Being up is just more productive.
My mom gets up early and quilts in her nightgown. She’s kind of taught me how to do life, and if I’m gonna pay attention and learn something, it’s that I should get up.
Not only am I up, but it’s 7:30 and the dogs are already fed. I have an hour and a half to write, go over some Spanish and do whatever I please.
How is it that I stayed in bed for so long?
I think I was actually tired to the bone. My body just said nope!
My body is happier, mostly thanks to ballet. I mentioned before that I do small ballet exercises all day long now. It’s become background and unconscious, like those treadmill desks.
And it has done amazing things for my body.
Imagine my surprise when I started feeling my abs all tucked in without doing a single sit-up. No one tells you that when you stand up as tall as you can, everything kind of goes back into place.
You’ll feel miserable for a couple of weeks when you give up slouching. Your back will hurt, but in a good way.
Then one day you’ll realize that your core is supporting you, your organs – and oh yeah, your hopes and your dreams.
The reason I have pushed ahead to do new things like ballet and Spanish and music and knitting and…well the list goes on…is that these things fuel my hopes and dreams.
Knitting isn’t just knitting. Knitting is making something and realizing that if you can make that thing, you can make something else. It fuels your creativity and encourages you to dream big. All that out of a potholder. Not bad!
I see all around me people who have and are doing amazing things with their time. I also see amazing people who hand waive it all away with “I’ve always wanted to do that.” But then they don’t.
I’ve always wanted to do tissue. It’s this Cirque du Soleil thing where you suspend yourself from a cloth hanging from the ceiling in pretty poses.
A few years ago I got a pull-up bar because I wanted to get strong enough to do tissue. I never put the dang bar up, because pull-ups seemed so far out of reach.
I’ve also wanted to lose about twenty or thirty pounds for about forty years. No joke! I’ve done it a few times, but time marches on and the weight always creeps back on.
Not giving up hasn’t given me the perfect tissue bod that I’d like to walk through this earth inhabiting. But it has kept me lighter and more in shape than I would be otherwise.
So funny thing when I started to feel my core and legs and all my muscles start to recruit in ways they really haven’t as an adult. I realized that if I keep going, at this rate there is chance I’ll get to do to tissue. Talk about a convoluted road!
Some things you can achieve head on. Just about everything you want to do you should jump in and try to do, head on.
But sometimes you have to back off and let it rest.
Timing is everything, and when it isn’t the right time, it’s best to let go and move yourself in some other direction.
Sounds good, but it can be hard to know the difference between perseverance and beating your head against a wall. Sometimes they feel almost exactly the same.
I don’t have an answer for this knowing the difference thing, except do what you can, when you can, and when you can’t, do something else. Cut to my booze and movie day on Monday. Ha!
As I was typing I was thinking about dating and finding love, since this is a dating blog.
I really boxed myself in when I created the largest collection of anything I’ve ever written and made it about….boys.
Ugh! but Yay! Cuz boys are great. But Ugh!
The thing is, lucky for me, there are so many lessons to learn here that have nothing to do with dating.
I suppose I could have just listened to that Kenny Rogers song about knowing when to hold up and knowing when to fold up, but some things you gotta learn the hard way.
I’ve become an expert at pushing myself to keep going. It’s something from medical school and residency. When you think you’re gonna take your last breath, you gotta get up and take care of people. Other people are counting on you.
When my kids left, and it really hasn’t been that long, the sense that fewer people were counting on me was a little bit of a relief but not as big of one as I would have expected or hoped. It felt like a tremendous loss in ways you can’t explain to someone who hasn’t been through it.
There were tears, and there still are. A lot of them.
But my emerging toned – ok I’m gonna say ripped which if you actually saw my belly would make you laugh – but it’s kind of getting ripped-ish – mid-section is here to remind me that actually someone really important is still counting on me.
And it’s me!
I’m counting on myself to keep it together, to reach for new experiences, and to eventually carve out a new life – whether it be alone or with someone.
I haven’t hit every mark, but it’s 8AM and I’ve already finished my post for the day!
Now where’s my imaginary boyfriend and my coffee?
I guess that means I’m going to have to get a coffeemaker and program it to make me my coffee in the morning.
At least for the time being.