doctor

Everything comes in threes.

So I have now, over the past year or so, interacted with three divorced dads in my practice who all expressed an interest in getting to know me and then backed away with their hands up.

I actually have no idea where their hands are – I haven’t seen any of their hands since the night I left our respective meetings, the nights when after having a great time, I felt certain I would see them again.

Guy number one texted the next day. I was legitimately chill. It wasn’t til a few weeks later that I realized that I wasn’t going to see him again. Ok, I did see him, much later, but by that time it wasn’t the same.

Guy two did that stupid thing that made me blow up and I was all scoldy and harsh but I was also nice and I thought we might be good as friends. I texted him as much tonight and I actually don’t care if I hear from him or not. I just think he’d be fun to hang out  with but it’s no biggie either way.

Bachelor number three is in the process of not seeing me. There’s some vague stuff in the air about maybe doing something at some point, possibly involving music. I got excited to maybe have met a kindred spirit and I dumped myself on his head. That’s the only way I can describe it. I’m currently attempting to salvage a possible acquaintanceship, but it doesn’t look too hopeful. Too bad cuz he’s nice, and a hoot to boot.

Today I wondered to myself how each of these men managed to get me to emote over…over nothing really. Over one meeting?

How does that work exactly?

With each of them I initially had no particular attraction. Each of them seemed to have me on their radar well before I even took notice. Guy two I might have noticed first. I can’t remember. Still, he did the heavy lifting.

I think each of these men were able to get my attention, and each offered a connection that felt real and promising. Even just as friends, they are people that I think highly of in terms of humor, integrity and intelligence – the golden triad.

Each time I sort of leaned in too quickly and then fell quasi apart. I got all girly wah wah why isn’t he calling me. And I let them know about it, too. I’m not one to suffer in silence. But it wasn’t just girly. I would have wanted to see each of them even as just a friend. Dating, whatever. I actually could use a few more friends right now. Making new friends is on my list.

I wondered about it all and then I thought to myself that I think I’m just tired, and I think I’ve been in (too) (so) many relationships that I suppose I just sort of let these men flip my lady switch to the on position – just their mere presence made me light up three damn times over…over nothing. Ok they’re each pretty cute, but that’s not supposed to be enough. I’m supposed to have standards.

Usually this sort of post ends with me saying, well, I’m never doing that again but honestly, I’d do it again.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

According to the rules of dating, I was really bad at maintaining any sort of “who are you I’m super busy” mystique with these three – too tired. Can’t. Don’t wanna. I was more like yay! let’s go party and watch the sun go down. Mixed with crazy. The crazy wasn’t my fault though. It was just how I felt when I didn’t get to see them again after really wanting to. I felt a little bat-shit, to be honest. Not for too long but for long enough to ring the crazy bell.

I noticed that each of these fabulous men at one point or other in the evening told me about ideas they had about what I must be like. They had had thoughts about me – you know, behind the stethoscope. It’s like crushing on Meg Ryan in some movie. She’s playing a part. Then you see her all botoxed up in real life and go – what? Cuz Meg Ryan’s just a girl who accidentally thought she’d spruce herself up a little and ended up ruining her vibe. But she’s still Meg Ryan. It’s just that you never actually knew her.

Apparently I’m way hotter when I’m doctoring and not paying any attention to men.

So I realized that it was all a set up. These guys were going out with their doctor, not me. These guys had ideas and truth is, the first moment I let down my guard, it was probably over.

I don’t just love hard, I even like hard. I either do something or I don’t. I’m not too complicated and there’s not a lot of intrigue about me in real life.

I would like to be friends with these guys and the only thing I am frustrated by is having moved in for a kiss too quickly, without any real information about any of them. If I bleedin hadn’t kissed them all 1, 2, 3…we could have just been friends and that might have been really fun.

BTW this is the advice I give middle schoolers about dating. Stay friends. It’s much more fun in the end and if you try and date it’s just gonna get weird and ruin your friendship.

I’m sort of laughing at myself. I sort of think it’s funny that I take a stick of dynamite to anything that smacks of ambiguity.

When a guy likes me a lot, I’m pretty chillaxed. There’s nothing to stress over, right? It’s clear.

Obviously, the only people you want to actually date are the ones who really like you (and vice-versa, but I have no problem telling someone if I don’t want to date them so no guy ever has to wonder with me – I’m either into it, or I’m not)

I guess I really thought that each of these guys really did like me and since my opinion of myself is pretty up there I momentarily thought oh, woo! and maybe the reason that I took each one kinda hard is that I wasn’t expecting to not see these fellows again and it was like starting a good book and then accidentally leaving it on the train and forgetting the title so basically you’ve got no book to read until you stumble upon another good one.

Interesting men are everywhere, just like good books, but just like good books, I have trouble finding and getting into them.

And I’m often too busy to read.

I was into these guys. Each one of them.

And that’s I guess what happened.

Since everything comes in threes that must mean that I’m not going to fall for the divorced father of my patient routine again. I did my time with that one, and you’re gonna have to come from some other corner of the world because I have concluded that for whatever reason, it’s a dynamic that is destined to fail.

Tilt.

And goodnight.