It’s been almost two weeks since my last break-up.
It hasn’t been nothing, but it hasn’t been the hardest, either.
Loss is definitely something where attitude is everything.
Not gonna lie. There was a histrionic moment or two……or seven or eight……when I thought I couldn’t face another cycle of letting go. Letting go of people is hard. And sad.
And I did like this man. Quite a bit, actually.
But then I snapped out of it and realized that just because you like someone doesn’t mean that they’re the right person to be in a relationship with.
I went to a party yesterday and just about everyone was part of a couple. One woman got loose and told me that she didn’t really like spending time with her husband anymore. She said it casually but a bit later when I told her about dating she sort of teared up and said how much she’d like to feel someone attracted to her again.
Talk about loss. Not only had this woman lost her connection with her husband, she had also lost any hope that she might ever feel wanted – ever again.
It’s really important to stop comparing our romantic lives with some idealized paradise we’ve made up in our heads. It’s easy to think that most of the world is waltzing around two-by-two enjoying the lovely spoils of coupledom, easy breezy.
We’ve all been in a good place with a partner at some point in our lives. Most of us have.
Some of us have had more coupled-up bliss than others. It’s probably luck. A lot of it is luck.
Once you’re lucky enough to have the right person handed to you, you gotta work though. Even the best couples have had to wade through a fair bit of muck.
So it makes sense for those of us who’d like to be in a relationship but are coming up empty-handed to realize something super important:
Being single is an opportunity.
It’s an opportunity to build something great when the right person comes along and it’s also an opportunity to do our own thing until that situation presents itself. And you can’t do either of those things if you cling to a relationship that isn’t right.
That bears repeating. If you stay in a relationship that feels wrong, you can’t do your own thing and you can’t find the right thing. You’re trading a bit of security for the chance to find a person you’re truly compatible with. Unless you can answer “hell, yeah” to the question of whether or not you want to be with someone, and unless they can say the same about you, you probably need to be single, ASAP.
A special shout out to all the suffering souls (oh, how I’ve been there) who think they’ve found their right person but their intended is, well, inert and unresponsive. It’s only the right thing if both people think so and are willing to put in the work. Luck only gets you through the gate and it takes two committed people to even make it through dinner and a movie. So let go and move on. Just like that.
It IS possible to feel optimistic after a break-up if you take off your rose-colored love glasses and see the world as it really is. (I do like those glasses though.)
You just gotta think about all the opportunity you’ve been handed and remember that you could end up sad like that married lady if you settle for what isn’t really right for you.
YOU, my dear, are free to do as you please. And that ain’t nothin’!
Go out and have fun. Make the most having dodged (a lot of) bullets. Know that a mean old bird in the hand isn’t worth two in the bush. Let go, and let your wonderful life unfold.
Because it will. One way or another, lots will happen when you’re free to do as you please.
At least that’s my story. And I’m sticking to it.