I haven’t written much because this is a dating site and mostly, I haven’t been dating.
I haven’t even been sure that I’ve wanted to, but I say that all the time now don’t I.
Not saying I wouldn’t like to go on a good date. But generally speaking, that’s not dating.
Dating is a whole bunch of other stuff, like bursts of texting that fade into nothing, making plans and having them cancel. Going out with people I can’t see myself with in the interest of being “open”.
I was open on all those hiking dates and I did get some good exercise. But I also like to hike alone and having some dude from an app along really added very little. Nothing, actually, except I had to chit chat for hours on end with men I had nothing in common with. But I did it. Because it’s what you gotta do.
Recently, I have done something that’s not like me. I’ve kept my OkC profile up. I don’t spend much time looking at it, but I’m there if anyone wonderful decides to find me.
I’ve got a small collection of men I promised to get back to after my kids leave. They are all decent enough and I suspect I’ll reach out when the time is right. Maybe. But I’m not thinking any of them are really for me.
I’ve googled “Giving up on love” and the general consensus is that giving up is just too damn sad. You can’t give up. But you can back away and turn down the volume.
So, with the volume turned way down, I opened up the dating site where I keep just that little ray of hope alive.
I opened it up and saw this:
Here’s what I love about online dating. You can go for months thinking it’s all a waste of time because no one who’s right or fundamentally appealing seems to be out there and then BAM.
You look into a face and read a profile and the earth stops rotating long enough for you to realize that THIS GUY is the bomb. You want to meet him! He seems nice and he can put together a sentence or two.
I want to thank Johnny for writing an excellent profile and for restoring my faith in on-line dating.
Actually, I did thank him and now I’m waiting for a reply.
I’ve been around the block enough times to know that I’ll probably never hear back.
It used to crush me because great profiles don’t come along very often.
But the thing about dating is that you learn to appreciate the little things. So I’m just appreciating the fact that I stumbled upon a great profile today.
When you google anything about looking for love and not finding it you enter some weird zone where people want to tell you to work on yourself and live your best life and quit thinking someone else is going to complete you. Also there’s my favorite…..quit looking and love will find you. No, no, my very favorite is that love won’t find you if you are looking so you gotta quit looking in order to find love. You need to find love by not looking for love. You need to love yourself!
But don’t give up!
This all scrambles my brain something fierce.
My personal low is when I don’t have anyone to crush on. I hate it when I can’t think of anyone, alive or dead, fictional, fantasy or real-life, to get all worked up over.
I rarely find myself crush-less but it seems to be happening more and more. I can’t carry around torches like I used to. And since having a crush is really just a way of passing some time in your head while you love yourself and live your best life….no harm, no foul. But you need a good substrate.
I’d like to crush on Johnny, so I took screen shots of his profile. It’s a little stalkerish, but otherwise after you write to someone on OkC the app disappears their profile. It’s their patronizing attempt to keep you from crushing on someone you’ve never met.
Once they like you back their profile reappears and you are free to crush all you want. But somehow they’ve decided you can’t crush on someone who doesn’t like you back.
But isn’t that the point of having a crush?
These dating sites have made new rules for us single people and mostly, it sucks.
They have decided that we all should be swiping fast and furiously, amassing mounds of potential dates. That somehow is sane but zeroing in on one person is a big no-no.
Well eff it. It’s Johnny all the way.
Never, ever give up on love and in the mean time – crush hard, crush often and never fail to rekindle your faith in dating when a good profile hits you over the head.