There’s hardly anything left to say about dating anymore.
Except that: 1) Zoosk has way better men than all the other sites and
2) I got stood up this past Sunday.
If you wanna know about (1) you can just join Zoosk and have at it. I have my eye on an age-appropriate ginger who surfs and lives in Marin. I sent him a smiley face which is the official Zoosk casual greeting. Paws crossed.
If you wanna know about getting stood up, keep reading. Don’t worry, it isn’t very sad. Unless you stop to consider that an actual human being behaved the way this person did. Then it’s super sad.
My current dating mood is – bring it. If someone looks interesting then I’m down. They have to be a little bit amusing, a little bit kind, clean and….oh, I just don’t even know anymore.
I literally can’t tell much from pictures and profiles.
Last week I was talking (that’s modern day english for texting) with several decent men. I even spoke to one of them. They were all interested in meeting up, and I didn’t give any of them much thought until this week when it occurred to me that every single one of them had vanished. I went back and looked and Ed had seemed promising.
I think Ed is in Disneyland with his daughter. He climbs up things for a living. He climbs up buildings and hangs lights. And he teaches other people how to do it. Turns out only some people have the aptitude. Or the upper body strength. Heh. I believe it too especially given my freak out in the balcony at the Chase Center. He’s hung lights there before and he was very sweet to tell me that even he gets a little sweaty up in the high seats at that venue.
I like the name Ed. Paws crossed that I’ll hear from him again.
Even though I have now graduated to buying only single tickets to events I’ll be attending, I had two tickets to see Poor Man’s Whiskey on Sunday.
I never mind going alone to see them. They are jammy and fun and the music is enough. I’m over the moon about their fiddle player too. He is most excellent. But I had two tickets and it was sold out.
I was Tinder matching swipe swipe swipe and when I matched with a 36 yr old kindergarten teacher all I could think was – this is just the cutest match. A pediatrician and a kindergarten teacher. Adorable!
I did tell him that given the age spread, we could maybe be friends but more would be unlikely. He wasn’t having that, and said he wasn’t concerned about my age one way or the other. I told him I was open, and since I have dated men in their thirties with zero issues, I wasn’t lying. I just wanted to keep it light until we met.
Turns out he knew PMW and would love to join me at the show. Great. No pressure, just some good music.
A few days before the show I shot him a text to firm up plans… or not….he said he was in, and we agreed to meet at the venue.
We didn’t talk on the phone. I wasn’t too concerned; I was pretty busy and meeting up was fine with me. How bad could a kindergarten teacher be, anyway? The dude takes care of twenty little people five days a week. That was enough for me.
I already told you the punch line but here’s the thing. He didn’t text. He didn’t call. He just didn’t show up.
I have a picture of him that I’m tempted to insert here but that would say more about my inner snark than I care to reveal.
I figured it out when I texted him fifteen minutes after he was meant to show up. I wasn’t even thinking he was going to flake. He was coming from the City so I just figured – traffic. But I texted to say that I was unexpectedly famished and was going to order food and did he want anything?
When, twenty minutes later I hadn’t heard from him, I figured it out. By then I was diving into some pretty awesome samosas. I was a little happy that I could now eat all six of them myself, but still….
I checked Tinder and he had unmatched with me. I sent another text that I could tell was blocked because it never said delivered.
Then I told him what I really thought which was that he shouldn’t be allowed to teach kindergarten because that’s a job that requires character. I knew he wouldn’t see it, but I said it anyway.
What’s funny is that I had a feeling……when I firmed up plans I had a feeling it was a no, but he said yes….so…..ok. But I sort of had a feeling.
It didn’t matter much to me at all because we had never even talked on the phone. There isn’t much to care about in a situation like that. Plus six samosas. (they were small)
But all this week I’ve been a bit grumbly about dating and men. And kind of a slurry of tears, for no apparent reason. Ok, Fall. And my birthday coming up. And missing my kids…
I’ll tell you who should be really pissed off with this guy: other men. It’s guys like this that tarnish the reputation of all men.
I should probably change “other men” to “other single people” because I’m sure women do their fare share of ghosting and standing people up.
The big question I have is: WHY???
My best guess is that he just changed his mind at the last minute. I doubt there is anything more to it than that. He’s a pussy of a person of course, who was too cowardly to call and cancel. There’s also that.
I can’t take it personally, and I don’t. But here’s what’s becoming difficult for me.
I can’t take any of it personally.
One of my new female friends is internet dating too and she’s in the giddy kid-in-a-candy-store phase. She is crushing on someone she’s going to talk to for the first time tonight and she’s excited. That’s the way it should be.
Me over here, I’m an old shoe and nothing moves me too much lately. Not if we talk. Not if we schedule a date, not if we have a great date, and most recently, not even if we date for a few months. My last boyfriend ended up being sufficiently detached and ho hum about me (about us) – even as he did everything right- that it felt more like some kind of malaise than anything having to do with romance or love.
I saw my therapist today for my monthly. I was already pre-crying in the car. I just said through my tears – “Cynthia, I’m really not unhappy. I have a great life and I’m having lots of fun. But I don’t know whether to keep dating, or just forget about partnering up again, for good.”
If anyone wants to say here that I should just forget about it and bamm – Mr. Perfect will show up and sweep me off my feet, feel free to scroll back and read about the last several years I’ve spent single. Go ahead, say it. And I’ll slap you. Hard.
I know full well that I could bump into my next beloved in the apple section at Whole Foods. I know these things happen.
But I also know that sometimes people do not “recouple” as Cynthia put it.
Cynthia was kind enough to share with me that she and her husband have three older friends who had wanted to find another life partner, and who never did. She said they all seemed okay, but had slowly pulled out of dating and looking. They were resigned to being single. For the sake of their sanity, and because it just didn’t happen….not for many, many years.
So I decided to join Zoosk.
The cashier at the studio where I do pottery on Mondays told me he was celebrating his 35th wedding anniversary. I told him about being stood up. He gushed and fawned over me and did what nice happily married men do to make a woman feel better. He said things like – any man who wasn’t interested in getting to know me needed to have their head examined. Married men are nice like that.
And somewhere, there’s got to be someone single who might feel the same way.
I know I’m a hard fit. I know I might never settle down again. I laid it out in my Zoosk blurb: I like blue collar workers, musicians and creative, arty types. I like men with their own hobbies. Mostly I like people who are humans. I want to hike with humans.
Meantime, I’d just like friends to do things with. Men and women. No big whoop. Nice humans who won’t stand me up.
So that’s how I got stood up, dusted myself off, and got right back on another dating site.