Do I really have to keep writing this dating blog? Well, apparently the answer is yes. So here you go…
Last we left off men had circled, and men had flown away, and I was somewhere in the process of noticing or not noticing.
I think I might have even said something nice about Zoosk. Let met roll that one back a bit. Zoosk ended up being very strange in that no one ever really looked at me. Exaggerating a bit, but the views were inexplicably (I mean LOOK at me!) slow.
I believe the surfing ginger either deleted me, or himself – but he was the only guy on Zoosk that I had any real interest in meeting….and he disappeared.
There was a guy in a kilt by the sea that I almost met before I woke up to the rest of his profile and stopped myself. Besides the kilt, it was a hard no. But kilts can blind you like that sometimes if you’re not careful.
I have a friend who just started OLD (on-line dating!) and she met someone right away on Zoosk. I was impressed! Beginner’s luck is real y’all. Especially on-line dating. Something about being a fresh new face brings all the boys to the yard.
Anyway her guy was nice, attentive and before you could say Bob’s your uncle, before she even met him – she was doing the demi-swoon.
Not wanting to dampen her enthusiasm, I said the most neutral, uplifting and positive thing I could spit out, given my OLD experiences. I said, “Just you wait.”
She and her Zoosk guy met and he checked out and I was happy for her.
Meantime, I was talking to someone on Tinder who managed to break away from the pack.
That’s right, Ed circled back and suddenly he was attentive and quite charming in texts. He was about to take his kid to Disneyland and darn it if he didn’t send me cute pics from the happiest place on earth.
I wasn’t too keen on dating someone eleven years younger than me, and in his pictures he looked maybe 52. Score! I secretly hoped he had been lying about his age. I knew he was fit, but when we finally met in person, it was clear he wasn’t just fit, he was fireman calendar drop dead gorgeous. Not a requirement by any means, but much appreciated.
Ed kept texting me, her guy kept texting her, and for maybe a week give or take – two accomplished, funny, beautiful inside-and-out single ladies were killin it at OLD!
Then something happened. And by something, I mean nothing, of course. If you know OLD, one thing you know is that a cloud can form over your sunny day with no warning at all.
My friend’s guy started to slow down the texts and the phone calls. Whereas before he was there before she even had a chance to think too hard about it, suddenly there was a delay. The conversations were great, they still had plans to see each other again, but something felt hmmm…..different……
Meanwhile I was still amazing according to Ed. A good morning here, a kissy face there….Ed was both omnipresent and doing his own thing – a combination that I love. We met and it was good and he looked at me – he looked at me hard.
I was starting to feel pretty certain that Ed and I would actually know each other for a bit. There were reasons to think that it might be a bit casual, but Ed seemed to know how to make casual feel special. He was in touch throughout the day, so the fact that he was recently separated, very busy at work (actually at work, he sent pictures) AND an involved father – just meant I’d have my space and we’d meet up when we could. All good. It was cute to see his Halloween decorations.
Next, I watched as my friend’s guy blew himself up.
It’s always a weird thing to observe. The wind changes direction and inexplicably, a text goes unanswered. It’s no big deal, except it’s completely out of character. Or at least, what you thought of his character a couple of weeks in.
The good morning text that got you off to a nice start – feeling good morning about someone – doesn’t come and you aren’t despondent or anything, but your feet suddenly touch the ground and you go – well that’s different. Pouty face.
Strong women know how to move those fingers so we shoot off a hey text because what the hay. And when radio silence comes back loud and clear – we call a friend and say WTH????
I’ve been around long enough that I don’t play the “WTH, what happened?” game much. The answer is – you’ll never know and it doesn’t matter. It’s them. They have some issue or another. Just move yourself along. If they wanted to text, they would…I got a million of these dating sayings and they’re all true. The one I always tell myself and hug to my chest is: you dodged a bullet. I usually follow it up with: and the world has bigger things in store for you.
My friend’s guy looked weak, to be honest. Just kind of meh and lackluster. My friend is a star woman. Independent and strong. I think perhaps he was intimidated and not up for the challenge of a really nice, good person. Some people just like to swipe and have a look see. My friend texted me in horror that he was less enthusiastic in texting than he had been AND that HE WAS ONLINE RIGHT THIS MINUTE!! With an unanswered text from her in his pocket. The nerve! The callousness of a move like that! I explained to her that sometimes it looks like a guy is online but their app is just open. Don’t jump to any conclusions!
Ok, but it still sucks. If you’re OLD do yourself a favor and unmatch with anyone you actually talk to in person. I learned that from my son. It’s a millennial trick to keep from going crazy. You don’t want to know or think that you know that they’re online talking to someone else when they just told you that they are driving their granny to a doctor’s appointment. You don’t need that information.
Also, I know a couple of decentish men who for some reason kept their profiles up many months after meeting someone they really liked and were intent on staying with. It was inexplicable to me, and caused the women they were dating a certain amount of grief. But it was fairly meaningless.
So, better not to ever look at their profile again. You guys met, it’s time to do real life. Some things are just not worth knowing and aren’t even really that important.
Sad though, because not long after she “caught” her guy online – repeatedly – did the guy waffle and squirm and go limp when it came to their next date. At the time of me writing this, he is circling the drain and she’s got one hand on the handle fixin’ to flush.
As an outsider, it makes no sense to me why this guy didn’t do what he should have to get to know this woman. From the inside IT MAKES NO SENSE, because they had just had a great conversation on the phone when he changed the weather and went all cloudy and grey. I suggested she send one last friendly text in case they got their wires crossed.
Meantime, Ed had not answered a text from the day before. I wasn’t too concerned because he had been predictable up until this point and nothing had happened to dilute my amazingness. We had already kissed, and yup, there were crazy fireworks of lust and all that.
Also, I had been impressed by his quick little hellos. Some quiet time didn’t worry me….until the next day which was yesterday – the first day he didn’t reach out at all on his own to touch noses.
I knew he was with his kids so in the evening I shot off a text that just said that I hoped he was having a fun kid day.
Then I remembered that he doesn’t always keep his kids overnight when he has them. His schedule is all over the place. So I might have texted him that and he might have actually been on a date with someone else so obviously he wouldn’t text back. Face plant.
I am so done with this.
My friend’s guy texted her back this morning saying that he thought she was mad at him for cancelling plans. Looks like there may be a round two for him after all.
I haven’t heard from Ed. I’ve already mentally slipped out of our little sweet cameo-vignette. I’m out. The unanswered text is my kryptonite and I just don’t do it anymore. Sure some people have earned their place in my life and keeping track of texts is not a thing. But in the beginning, it’s all a person has to go on, and it’s everything.
I really don’t love it that I told me so, but I did. I knew better, but I allowed myself a moment to relax on what felt like a sunny day with no rain clouds.
Well, it’s always raining somewhere. C’est la vie. And that’s that.